Last summer things started to get really bad with me and my Ex. It got to when we would do stuff I would have to be stupid drunk to do it, he had gotten extremely aggressive when we would do stuff and a lot of times he didn’t care I was in any type of pain. Being stupid drunk made me not think about the pain and I often drank the next day so then it would take the pain away. This started me down a rabbit hole of hell. I was never a drinker before last summer.
I finally moved back to Iowa without my ex and I had freedom, at that point I quite drinking. In December I moved my ex and kids to Iowa so I could be close to my kids. I ended up living with them to try and give it a shot. I really didn’t want to end a 17 year relationship and was hoping the three months apart would have changed how he treated me.
The three month break didn’t change anything at all, matter of fact it made things worse. He started getting more aggressive when we did stuff and started yelling and screaming at my face. He would throw stuff all over and break things. He would try and control me more when I would try to hang out with friends. By the end of January I was lying about not getting off work at 11:30pm and was actually going to the bar. I was going to the bar every night and drinking till I was stupid drunk. I had $100 tabs at the bars every night and hoping I didn’t wake up in the morning. I would puke my guts out the next day and go to work extremely hungover and barely able to function.
I finally got myself out of the abusive situation in April. At that point I was dealing with so much. The biggest thing was trying to function with a head full of abuse. I also never lived on my own. This was another huge challenge for me. I also continued to drink a lot. I had nights I didn’t know if I was gonna make it to my house. I had nights I would hope and pray to just make it to my landing in my apartment cause then I knew I would be safe and I could lock my door. I had nights filled with puking, followed by days of puking and being hungover. At this point I also had a friend tell me that if I didn’t stop it wasn’t gonna be a friend to friend conversation it was gonna be a manager to team lead conversation. I never stopped I just got better at hiding it.
In April I met a girl that asked me to go to a local swingers club with her. I went two different nights and then to a hotel event that they held. At this point I was still going out and getting stupid drunk. In May I made a post in the clubs Facebook group and a gentleman commented. My friend replied to him and was like ***** is the shit lol. Anyways that is when we started talking and shortly after we met up. At first it was really just a D/s relationship he had another sub that was his primary. As time went on I started getting feelings. I knew I was nothing so I never said anything. It wasn’t until the feeling bubbled up to the point that they were eating me alive that he finally got it out of me. At this point I was still drinking but not as often. This lead into me meeting his primary and it became a triad. I have another blog about all that stuff. Anyways on days when I was going down and hanging out with his primary sub I was drinking a lot with her but I wasn’t really going out. Once everything came out with Daddy as far as how I felt I started to cut back but I couldn’t stop. Eventually I was able to stop. The more time I was able to spend with Daddy the more I knew I needed to stop or I was gonna loose the best thing that ever happened to me. Some things happened with his other sub and it destroyed both of us. I went back to drinking a lot. Eventually I knew I needed to stop Daddy needed me more then the bottle needed me. Daddy needed a strong Kitten to fall on and I couldn’t be a strong Kitten if I was stupid drunk.
I have gotten to where I only drink now if Daddy is with me (then I know I am safe if I do) and only so when we eat out. Nothing excessive anymore. It feels good to be able to overcome that. It feels good to have someone there for me to help keep me pulled away from the darkness, away from the edge, and someone to help you know your worth and someone who smothers you with all the love you could ever need.
Daddy has single handily pulled me back from the edge. He has helped me more then I could ever have imagined. His love is all I need. His strength and love is all I ever need to get through anything. He is the light in my darkest days! I love him so much! I don’t know what I would do without him or even where I would be right now if he wasn’t with me by my side!
Forever and always,
💋Kitten🐈⬛
