I plan on this being an ongoing blog until Daddy gets back from his trip. I want this to be something that shows everything leading up to it, while hae is gone and when he comes back. It will probably be a roller coaster of a ride but I wanna use my blog to put down how I feel as the time goes on instead of how I normally handle it. I will always need Daddy but I also wanna show that by blogging I have another way to release those emotions and feelings. I hopes that I don’t have to bombard him like I normally do lol.
7/7/22~ Today I am doing pretty good. I am actually really excited that I am able to help him go on his trip. I really wish I could go with, but I know he needs to do this. I would feel absolutely horrible if he was not able to go just because of money and I would feel even worse if something happened to his grandma or parents before he could get back out there. So it is really hard for me cause I know it will be two weeks of me not seeing him and being around him but I most defiantly know that him going is exactly where he needs to be. Another thing that I have been really nervous about is meeting his kids. It has weighted heavily on my mind for a long time. I know that I need to meet them because I am hoping to move in next year. On Saturday I get to go to Little Bears birthday. I wasn’t able to to go to the other Little Bears Birthday because at that time they didn’t know what was going on with their mom and dad. For Little Bears birthday we are going to a local pool. I have never been there before but Daddy and The Little Bears have been there before. They go all the time in the summer.
7/9/22~Well today was the day! I got to finally meet Daddy’s Little Bears. I had a blast at the birthday. I found that some of the time I was awkward and I felt out of place. These guys knew each other for years and I was an outsider. Some of this could be the social awkwardness that I have until I know someone also. My ex didn’t allow me to really talk to anyone so when It comes to talking to people I often over think it like I do everything else. I did have a few times that I got to shine through a little bit. While we were eating they were talking about DNA test and ancestry. I actually had a good little conversation with one of the guys there. Also I go to meet The Little Bears Grandma and I had a couple of good conversations with her. At the end everyone went their separate ways. Daddy told me that his one friends liked me and that the Girl’s Grandma also liked me. He also told me that one of the girls liked me also. All of this helped me feel better about today. Honestly I cant wait to be able to watch them grow up. The really seem to be great girls. I already had a feeling of that just by listening to them calling Daddy and also what Daddy has said about them in the past. Also huge side note I was not super confident in wearing my two piece swimsuit today, since I have never in my life really done that. I think maybe a total of 4 time in my life. But I got an amazing compliment from someone (not Daddy lol). She told me that she really liked it and that it looked good on me. She there are other women that are out there lifting up other women.
7/14/22~ The last few days have been super rough for me. My body has been super super exhausted and my mind finally put wo and two together that Daddy was leaving here in 2 weeks. I am super super excited for him but I hate being alone. I hate doing things on my own. I haven’t felt like I have been part of The Garden Family as nobody has reached out and honestly I haven’t had the desire to go really. Yesterday I did finish up planning our One Year Anniversary Day. I am so super excited and cant wait to post stuff here but I will hold off. Daddy says that he doesn’t read my stuff unless they are posted but I cant risk this getting out. He was helping me with my calendar on my phone and I didn’t realize that the hotel reservation automatically got put on there and I almost gave away the hotel. All I can say is that I did a great job picking everything out. Everything is close and local. I cant wait to surprise Daddy. He said it was killing him not knowing. I also got a gift for Daddy. He knows that it is a hat but he doesn’t know which one it is!!!!!
7/19/22~ The last few days have been pretty crazy and I have been super tired so I am going to throw everything into one entry. The other day was a really touching night for me. You always wanna make sure that when you have kids that the guy you are dating and that you plan on spending the rest of your life is not only great for you but also for you kids. I mean I have known Daddy was the best for us for a very long time. Actions always speak louder then words. But, the other night defiantly showed that Daddy is the best for me and my kids. Daddy got on my kids about going through my room and how this is the only place I have that is just mine. My daughter caught an attitude and she had my son go on a walk with her. We called them back and you could tell that my daughter was really upset. Eventually she looked like she was gonna cry and Daddy asked her if she needed a hug. When he asked her that she started bawling. They hugged for quit awhile. He even grabbed her face and gave her a forehead kiss. Daddy said later that he felt her body relax a lot when he did that. But the part that got me the most was when he told her that he loved her. My ex was never an affectionate person. He never told you he loved you. There was not really any hugs or kisses. If you ever said I love you he would not really ever say it back and it was like a sound that he would make. I will say out off all my 35 years of life I have never felt more loved then I have with Daddy. I know that for my kids they are the same way. I have been their only person that they have ever had be a loving and caring person in their life. Daddy has said before that he doesn’t wanna be a Step-Dad again and I totally get that but Like Daddy always says everything happens for a reason. Daddy was put in my life to save me from myself. I was put in Daddy’s life to help care for him and to show him that he can be loved no matter what. Daddy was put in my kids life for a reason. Even with him not wanting the Step-Dad role, he can still be a positive Dad role model in their life! He is most defiantly my Everything, my Heart and Soul, my Forever, my Viking, my Protector, and forever my Daddy!!!! Ok next topic lol. Daddy got his gift. He loved it. It was a hat from an online store that he normally gets his hats from. It was a Los Angeles hate that he liked and it is rainbow. Lastly we are about a week out from when Daddy leaves for the East Coast to see family. As of right now I am doing ok.
7/21/22~ Well we are officially under a week till Daddy leaves for the East Coast. I am super excited that he is getting to go and visit his family. I makes my heart super happy that I am able to help him out to go on his trip. I know that it will be a struggle for me to be away from him for so long, but I know that it is worth it. I had a conversation with Little Daddy this morning while I was hugging him. I told him that we can get through this I know that we can. I mean honestly If you don’t miss the person you are with and get sad when you don’t see them for awhile what is your relationship about??? Like do you even love them???? Do you care about them??? If I didn’t get sad and miss Daddy there would be something wrong seriously. On a side note I cant wait till tomorrow. Tomorrow we get to celebrate our One Year Anniversary. I have so much planned. I picked out the place to eat and even the hotel! I cant wait to surprise Daddy!!!
7/26/2022~ So life has been busy and I haven’t had a chance to update on the anniversary day me and Daddy had. So Friday started with me helping Daddy at work. Around 3:30 we headed to the hotel. Daddy still didn’t know where we were going. When we walked into Wildwood Lodge it was so cool. They had a firepit outside, they had checkers and some other board games in the lobby. It looked like we had walked into camp. We got checked in and went up to the hotel room. Once we got up there Daddy tried to figure out where we were going foe dinner. He ended up guessing right and it was Opa. I love that restaurant. After we got done eating we went back to the hotel and Daddy took a nap cause he didn’t sleep well the night before. After the nap we went swimming. The hot tub was nice and warm but the seats hurt my butt and back. We then went over into the pool and I loved it. It was a salt water pool and I just floated. Saturday morning we went down for breakfast. It was like we were all at camp together the way it was set up. They had a good breakfast selections. I had biscuits and gravy with some eggs, some oatmeal, and some cute little mini Belgian waffles. Then I headed to work and Daddy headed home. Work sucked and I was so stressed. I had to have someone come from a different store to help me with books cause it was off by a lot. Come to find out that someone earlier in the week didn’t add in the safe loan of $500. Also people were not finalizing the gas totals when doing books and then when I went to do it it didn’t work. I put a ticket in and was like I will deal with it on Sunday cause we were super slammed and I needed to be on the register. Also I had reached out to like 5 different people and nobody knew what was going on. On Sunday my GM was there and he was like try calling again and see if they can help. When calling I found out that our fuel monitor was not communicating with the computer and they would have to have someone come out. Also on Sunday I was offered a chance to go and help a store in their kitchen. I said yes and my GM said he had been talking to our DM about me and how I wanna move up. Once I got to the other store my DM called me. She told me that she appreciated me and thanked me for always helping out. She also told me that she wanted to talk to me about what I wanted to do in the future. That was also a 13 hour day. I was exhausted. Now we are up to today and right now I am doing ok. Daddy leaves tomorrow. His plans have changed some and he is seeing his Mom first now and then he will go see his Dad. I got to go to the office with him today and then he is coming to my house after work.
7/26/22~ Well I was doing good. Now that I am laying here in bed with Daddy all of my emotions are all over the place. I can’t sleep, I have been crying. This is so hard. I am extremely excited and happy for him but then how do I do things without him. I am gonna miss his hugs, his kisses, his laugh, his cuddles, beard feels. Ugh this is going to be so hard. I know I can do it and I know Daddy needs me to be strong but I don’t feel like I can. It is a whole three and a half weeks. I keep rolling away cause I don’t want him to know I am crying and I am trying to hold it all in. It was hard enough earlier knowing that today 2as the last time I. Awhile I will hang out with him at the office and the last dinner we were gonna have for awhile. Ugh this is so hard.
7-27-22~ I am not doing good on day one. I have fought back tears all day at work. I called Daddy when I did a bank run. It was good. Their trip is going good so far, but when I went to get off the phone with him I could hardly keep my tears back. I plan on going to The Garden tonight and see friends to try and keep my mind preoccupied. I also took an offer to work two 12 hour shifts Saturday and Sunday to keep my mind occupied. Daddy and The Little Bears made it to the halfway mark to his moms house. I went to call Daddy after work and I noticed they were eating so I left them alone. On my way home all emotions I was holding in all day at work came out. I am waiting for it to be time to go to The Garden. Daddy gave me a list of things to watch while he was gone. I watched Pretty In Pink the other day, today I figured I would start Stranger Things. There are four seasons. I am unfortunately just starting the first season. We shall see how long it will take me to finish them.
7/28/22~ Today I have been better for the most part. Daddy made it to his moms house today. I also found out from my GM that he is going to sit down with the DM to talk about timeline for me to move into GM training and then get my own store. He said that after tomorrow I should know more. It made me sad that I couldn’t tell Daddy over then phone cause he made it to his moms house, but honestly I am getting used to it. I hate that because of the whole situation with the current living situation and stuff I don’t have access to him when I need him or wanna tell him something exciting. Maybe some day that will happen right???? I am gonna try to work on a chunk of stuff before going to The Garden tonight for Dragaoke. I really don’t wanna go but I promised Daddy I wouldn’t stay home. I really need an energy drink. I am so tired all the time the last few days with my not sleeping a lot.
7/30/22~today has been hard for me. I tried my best to leave Daddy alone. I couldn’t bother him while he was with family that he doesn’t ever get to see. Today I have also felt very tired and alone and even emotionally numb. You would think I would be used to not having access to Daddy cause normally I can call him or see him whenever, but today was bad. Some days are worse then others. I still have two weeks left. The last few days I have been at work when I should be at the office. The last few days I have been alone but I should be getting kisses, snuggles, hugs and kisses. The last few days I should be having laughs but I have been lost. But I wouldn’t change anything cause I know Daddy and the girls are right where they are supposed to be. My feelings are only temporary and everything will be back in place when Daddy comes back. I can’t wait to hug him, kiss him all over his face while he laughs, I can’t wait for beard fells, and I definitely can’t wait for cuddles and to be snuggled right into Daddy and have my face buried in his beard. I can’t wait to be back in my happy place and my home.
8/2/22~ I think the hardest thing for me is we don’t hardly talk anymore. I know that he is busy with family and it is selfish of me to think this way. But I miss messaging him and our calls and video chats. We can go like all day without talking to each other and then have a 5 minute video chat. I miss my Daddy so much. Here in a few hours it will be a week since he left so we have another week and a half to get through. I am trying my best to be good and not bother Daddy. This time with his family means more then anything and I am so glad that they are able to go and do this. I got a new stuffy last night. His name is Octy.
8/4/22~ I feel like I have emotionally withdrawn a lot lately. I know that is how I protect myself from being hurt or having emotions. Lately I have become extremely tired and no amount of sleep seems to help. I feel like I am an absolute bother and burden to Daddy. Whenever he messages me it takes away from him spending time with his family and the girls. I have stopped messaging him unless he messages me cause then I know he wants to talk for a few. I wish we could talk more. It is really killing me that we don’t hardly talk anymore. Sometimes I feel left behind and a final thought but that is extremely selfish of me to think that cause he went to see family. It is also extremely selfish of me to wish we could talk more. I have found that I don’t wanna do anything anymore. I mean I had fun at The Garden but it wouldn’t have bothered me to miss it. I don’t plan on going the rest of those week. I have so many photos to get posted and I have no motivation to get them done. I need to get things typed up so we can get things printed for me no motivation. I need to get a bunch of crafts done so Daddy can help me launch my store when he gets back but absolutely no motivation. I haven’t hardly sat at my desk at all. I mostly lay in bed and watch movies or Stranger Things and then like always work work work. I feel bad cause I have not said much to Daddy about it cause I don’t wanna ruin his trip. I don’t wanna tell him I still cry at times cause I miss him or talking to him. I really am trying my best to be good and be strong for him but I know inside that I am actually failing him. He just doesn’t know it, well not until he reads this.
8/7/22~ Ugh Daddy is gonna hate reading this all. He hates reading. Well the last few days I have been extremely productive with my photography but not so much with anything else. By the end of Friday I have a laundry list of stuff I have to get done. I have not worked on any crafts and I have to start asap. Daddy wants to launch my store when he gets back. Which means I need a bunch of stuff to post, but also means I need to have stuff on the back burner so once that sells I can keep a steady flow of product on my site. I also need to figure out how to do the gnomes but all no sew, so then I can use the Crown Royal bags that Daddy got me. I feel bad cause they are just sitting there. I also need to get more jewelry made so I can have those posted also. I also need to get a list of stuff for my crafts that I need to buy. I also have a ton of stuff to get typed up so eventually I can get it printed. I need to get all of my stuff around in my binder for work. My Gm said that he plans on my being a store manager for a week while he is training someone. I am really nervous but I am hoping that it is what I need to get pushed into the Gm Training program. I am also hoping that when our store in down for the remodel and we are sent to other stores that opportunity will allow myself to show how much I do know. Well I guess I got to go to bed I have to work tomorrow. I am in the kitchen the next two days which I hate cause it is always really hot and then I get tired and I don’t wanna do anything at home. I only have 4 days left till Daddy gets home. He said he might come up on Friday but he isn’t for sure cause he has a long drive home and the Ex has to go to work early so he would have to leave early in the morning. I totally get it but I sucks the first time that I am going to see him in two and a half weeks is in front of Nikki and his girls. That means I have to be on my best behavior. No hugging, no kissing, no holding hands. It is gonna drive my crazy cause all I want is to have him in my arms and never let go. But I will be super happy to see him and have him back. I cant wait to get back to Thursdays and Fridays at the office, snuggles, kisses, and being able to take care of him. Ugh I was laying in bed and then went to get up to tell my son to be quite cause I had to get up early in the morning and when I did so I heard something fall to the floor. I continued out the door talked to my son and then when I came back in the room and the end of my bed I step on something. I turned my light on and found my cat pendant from my necklace/collar. My chain broke. I am completely upset and lost. I haven’t told Daddy yet. I don’t have the money to get a new chain. The last one I got was $30, which means I have to wait till my next check to get a new chain. That means I have to go 13 days without it and that is if Wal-Mart has one like this last one I got. In the last year I have only ever taken it off three times this would make the fourth. I am so lost it is what holds me together and means the world to me. I just don’t know what to do now. I am lost.
8/8/22~ So today was my first day without my day collar. I had a good day at work till the end and then boom panic and anxiety hit me like a ton of bricks. Daddy told me to call him when I got off work but I couldn’t the anxiety and panic were so bad I knew I would cry if he answered. He has had a lot of problems the last half of his trip I can’t add anymore. I stopped by a farmers market here in town. I got another octopus. I named him Ten-Tickles. I had to go to the grocery store and everyone there caused my anxiety to sky rocket again. When I got home I jumped in and took a shower, after that I put my other collar on and curled up in the bed. I got all covered up and put Little Daddy on my chest. All I could focus on was holding onto him and my breathing. I was stuck right in that spot. I couldn’t move. It was one of those moments where you knew eventually when it was the right time I could move again. After about 10 minutes of having my collar on and hugging Little Daddy I felt better. I gave Little Daddy a kiss and told him thank you. Then off I went watch tv feeling a lot better. Daddy said I should make a necklace out of yarn as a temporary thing, but I won’t get it done in time for tomorrow. But I think I will do the same as I did today.
8/10/22~ Today is Daddy’s last day on the East Coast. I am sad that he has to leave his family. I know that family is really important to him. I am also sad because he has to come back to reality. He has to come back to work, the problems with the house and back to me and our schedule of seeing each other, and back to his ex living there with him and the kids. I mean it is great for the kids to be around their mom. I am sure they miss here a lot but that means going back to only seeing him 3 days a week. I told him early on I was probably going to be quiet today. I told him cause he needs to enjoy being out there. While that is part of it I am also having a stressful day at work and am extremely tired. I can’t wait to get off work and take a shower and curl up in bed.
8/11/22~ So the other night I had a dream that I got to see Aurora Borealis in person. It was beautiful and it was everything I could imagine if it was in person. It felt extremely real like I was actually there! I looked up what it meant to dream about it and this is what I found out. “It marks the onset of an excellent period when the dreamer will succeed in everything: Business, work, personal life. Aurora Borealis in a dream means very important changes will come in your life and they will most likely be favorable. Seeing this image in a dream is a wonderful omen. It is a period of new beginnings.” Yesterday I had April check the mail and I got my letter from Drake Law saying they decided they were gonna take on my case!!!!!! This will be the last thing left to finally be free. He might fight me on the kids and that is all unknown, but one thing that I do know is I am only gonna be married to this sorry excuse of a man for awhile longer!!!!!
8/12/22~ DADDY IS ON HIS WAY HOME AND I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!! I am sad he had to leave his family to come home. I know he misses them a lot, but I can not wait to have him back in my arms.
8/14/22~ The last few days have been amazing. Friday night Daddy showed me everything he got me lol. He bought me some more dinos so now I have a dino family. He also got me a bracket and some crystals. I have always wanted an Amethyst that was a stand on the desk one and Daddy got me one. He got me a shirt and a cup and even a couple key chains. I love him so much. He was on vacation with his family and he still thought of me. Saturday we went to the state fair and it was fun. I wasn’t feeling good from my headache and some meds made me sick earlier in the day. But I had a lot of fun. My favorite part was all the snuggles I got and forehead kisses. I am so glad Daddy is home.
💋Kitten🐈⬛
