When I was younger my family home never felt like home. It was a place where abuse and sexual assault visited me daily. I ran away at the age of 17 to a place where I thought I had found my home. 18 years later It was all a lie. We lived in 4 different states and lived at 20 different addresses and a chunk of hotels when we were homeless before the kids. None of them ever felt like home. None of them ever gave me any sense of peace. When I separated from my ex-husband that apartment felt the most like home.
When I met Daddy something about him made me drawn to him. When we first started seeing each other he told me his situation and told me if I didn’t stay he totally understood, but I had a feeling to stay. He has always made me feel at peace, safe and secure. Over time I just had the feeling that I was home……he was my home! No matter where I am at as long as I am with him I know that I am home, I am safe, I am secure. When Daddy was gone on his vacation I was depressed, It didn’t feel right that he left me like in a way that my apartment didn’t feel like home anymore and I didn’t know why. This has been our place, our safe area, our place to be free of restrictions. When he came home everything felt right. His arms felt like home and life was back at my house. It was like home again cause he was here. I have talked before about how when Daddy isn’t able to see me for awhile I have an Oxytocin drop. I wonder if that goes hand in hand with him being my home. I have read things about how when you are apart from the person you feel homesick you can deal with depression and anxiety. Both of those I dealt with while Daddy was gone, while my home was gone. When Daddy came back It was like everything was better. While Daddy was gone my day collar that I never take off broke. This means I have only had it off 4 times total in the last year. It was a piece of my home that I was now missing. A piece of my home that a carried with me to help me feel safe, secured and loved. It was a daily reminder and it never went anywhere it was always on my neck. I got really depressed after that. After a day or so I seemed to feel a little better as I continued to wear my bracelet. It was the same as what Daddy has and it helped me get through everything since my collar broke because I still had a piece of my home with me. I find that my collar and all the little things Daddy has gotten me or we have gotten together all bring a little bit of “home” to my apartment. I feel like the reason why my apartment didn’t feel like home when Daddy was gone was the same as when I go through Oxytocin drops. He would refill the Oxytocin when he was here. So when he was here he made my apartment feel like home and he always refilled it when he was here. I cant wait till I can actually come home from work or wherever and actually be home!
💋Kitten🐈⬛
