So yesterday was a rough day for me mentally. The day started out great cause Daddy came and worked from my house, but some things came up between lunch time and dinner time that mentally through me for a loop. I have wrote before how I have went through a previous abusive relationship. I dealt with it for many many years. With that being said I have coping mechanisms that I have learned that are hard to break. Everyone has a fight or flight reaction. Mine is flight. I would rather leave, or hide when something happens. Now with that being said I wanna break down both things that happened. I want to do this so then I can try to learn and build myself from it. Daddy was amazing and I will get into that more later.
So the first thing happened when Daddy took his lunch break. We had to take his phone to a fix it place cause it was broken. When I got out of the car and started walking towards Daddy and the store I dropped his phone. He had taken the case off and it hit the ground. It did scuff up the bottom but didn’t break the screen or anything else. Daddy didn’t really yell or anything like that, but that didn’t matter I went into panic mood. My chest started hurting, my breathing changed, I started to feel light headed, and I started looking for a way out. So when Daddy went inside I started to walk away from the door. I walked across the parking lot and got to the grass. I didn’t know where I was going but I knew I couldn’t stay there. I stopped on the grass and actually thought about walking home. I shouldn’t ride home I didn’t deserve that. At that point Daddy had came back out the store trying to find me. I went back towards him and went in the store. I sat in the chair quietly with my head down. During all of this I was expecting a big massive blowout. Yelling and screaming especially once we got back in the car, but nope I got a hug, he took me to get lunch and even took me to get coffee from a new place a friend introduced me to. Overall Daddy wasn’t mad at all. By the end of it Daddy was laughing about the irony that we went to the fix it store and right outside the door is where I dropped it.
The next thing was Daddy brought up all his shirts for me to wash and dry. I had them on fluff and after like the 5 cycles I was like they are not getting dried at all, so I put them on tumble. Well that was a mistake cause they shrunk. Daddy tried to put them on and they were all to small. The worse part was they were all his new ones and it was like 7 of his shirts. I really expected him to fly off the handle at this point. First the phone now this! I panicked. I yet again took off. I tried to go into my spare room and then I was like nope that is still in the house so I needed to actually leave. I needed to check the meter anyways and boom it was my key out of the house. At this point because I already had a problem it didn’t take long for my body to ramp up. The panic, anxiety, lightheaded, pain in my chest from the panic, I was crying, my breathing had changed, and I even got so worked up I was shaking at one point. At this point Daddy didn’t say much to me. He kept saying I know you were just trying to help. As the night went on mentally I got better.
Once we got to Jethros my mood changed drastically as we were laughing and having fun. Everything at Jethros helped me so much mentally. It was exactly what I needed. The biggest thing for me was all of the years of abuse and how other people reacted my mind wouldn’t allow me to think hey this was just an accident it will be ok. Honestly I feel bad for Daddy that wasn’t fair for my brain to think that way when he had never treated me that way before or given me a reason to act that way. One thing Daddy has always said is time will make it easier and I know it will.
Love,
💋Kitten🐈⬛
